Now, in 1970, it is possible to visit as a tourist. I am fearful, but I yearn to go. I know it will be emotionally difficult. It could be like entering the world of Orwell’s 1984. I don’t know how a totalitarian state is run or how it would affect me to see what has become of my country and my relatives.
My father has discouraged me from going. He knows firsthand how people lost their lives during Russia’s occupations. Our relatives in Soviet Estonia live in an uneasy world, different from our lives in Canada. I am fortunate to have grown up in Canada for almost my entire life, but my identity and ties to my heritage are part of who I am.
Some who fled from Estonia during the war do not want to visit an occupied Estonia. It would be too painful to see what has become of their former homes and spoil the beautiful memories they have from the years of independence. Some are repulsed by having to ask the Russian government for permission to visit their homeland.
My husband Ants and I think it is more important to see the country for ourselves and to get together with relatives on both sides of our families. Since I am not going on my own, my parents are more supportive.
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