Hillar Lauri from Eesti Elu had the pleasure of sitting down with Aleksa Gold (23, from Toronto), Keili Moore (24, from Montréal), and Helle Wichman (27, from Lansing, Michigan) in the Old Town of Tallinn.
All three of them have been living in Estonia for more than a year, and we asked them to comment on their experiences in Tallinn, compared to cities in North America. Here’s what we heard:
What does meeting up with friends on a Saturday night look like?
Although some friends live in the suburbs of Tallinn, such as Lasnamäe or Mustamäe, people generally don’t gather there…
In Tallinn, younger men and women gather at a friend's place in the centre of Tallinn (“Kesklinn”) or the Old Town (“Vanalinn”). Although some friends live in the suburbs of Tallinn, such as Lasnamäe or Mustamäe, people generally don’t gather there because later on, everybody would move on to bars or clubs that are located in the Old Town or city centre. The host would provide snacks, more likely than not chips or something similar. Rarely would anything be baked or cooked. These events are always BYOB, and there is no favourite drink per se. Some drink beer or cider, some drink wine, and others drink hard liquor.
It’s a good time to catch up with friends, as later on, the music will be louder. At these gatherings, board games are popular (a major difference from Canada). If a host is throwing a birthday party for themselves, then there would be real food and the host would pay for any other event-related expenses.
Helle pointed out that this was not that different from Toronto, as no one would gather in a suburb of Toronto (like Mississauga or Markham) to later go out in downtown Toronto.
It was agreed that in Toronto, it’s typical to gather somewhere in downtown Toronto, usually at a bar. Sometimes, friends would gather at the home of someone who lived very close to downtown Toronto.
…in Tallinn, there are certain regular patrons at certain bars. One can be sure of regularly bumping into them.
When the topic of bar hopping came up, the first comment was that the experience in Toronto and Tallinn are similar, except that in Tallinn the bars are closer together and that it’s easier to walk from one to the next. Keili mentioned that in Montréal, there are long lineups to get into bars and no free tables later on. Therefore, one tends to stay in one bar. Helle mentioned that in Tallinn, there are certain regular patrons at certain bars. One can be sure of regularly bumping into them. Toronto is so big that this sort of thing rarely happens.
One major difference when comparing Tallinn with North American cities is that events on Friday or Saturday night in Tallinn can be found through Facebook event listings or groups. Tallinn is not that big, so it’s possible to review (or hear from friends) what the best events or parties are on a particular weekend and then RSVP. During the summer, many weekend events are held outdoors. Toronto and Montréal are so big, and there is so much going on, you can’t find everything through Facebook.
As Helle and Keili work at an international startup company, Wise , they mentioned that their friends consist of some local Estonians and many other nationalities. Aleksa mentioned that many of her friends are from her competitive swim team (which is Estonian) and therefore, more of her friends are local Estonians.
Making friends
All three women mentioned that local Estonians are very curious as to why a young person born in Canada or the US would come to live in Estonia. But when they explain that their grandparents had been forced to leave and that they have a desire to reconnect with their roots, people are more understanding. There is a faint, lingering question of why one would leave a big and prosperous country like the US or Canada for Estonia, but the answer of “roots” seems to satisfy that curiosity.
The lack of sunlight in fall and winter is the hardest factor to adjust to.
All three commented that, as they are from northern climates, the cold of Estonia is not a problem. The lack of sunlight in fall and winter is the hardest factor to adjust to.
Keili added that she feels Estonians have a sincere interest in getting to know her. That she had moved to Estonia, was improving her (very good) Estonian, and is working in Estonia makes people intrigued and want to get to know her.
Dating and relationships
All three mentioned that dating is not all that different between Tallinn and North America. It was mentioned that at first, as local Estonians do not show emotion openly, it’s difficult to tell if someone likes you (although emojis in text messages make their point). Being walked home at the end of a date was noted as something very Estonian.
All three women made the comment that Estonia is a very progressive western country and the differences between Estonia and Canada are not that significant. They had met their dates socially or via friends, not via the internet or apps.
…as nature is closer to Tallinn and more accessible, they might be invited to explore nature together. For example, to go for a walk in a bog or marsh or to a beach.
Perhaps the biggest difference when it comes to dates is that, as nature is closer to Tallinn and more accessible, they might be invited to explore nature together. For example, to go for a walk in a bog or marsh or to a beach. Keili mentioned that in Montréal, one is more likely to go to a restaurant or attend an event.
Keili added that at its core, dating is about finding the type of person you like, and that does not change whether you are on a date in Estonia or Canada.
One difference that was identified was how quickly a couple who are dating might move in together. It was agreed that in Canada, a couple wouldn’t move in together before one or two years of dating. Then they would live together for another couple of years before getting engaged and married. In Estonia, a couple might decide to move in together much more quickly — moving in together during the first year of dating is common.
Overall, everything begins earlier in life in Estonia.
In Estonia, a woman might have a child while studying for her Master´s degree. It was not seen as odd to have a child or children, and then return to the workforce to begin a career. In North America, it was thought that one should have a bank account, some savings, have started a career, and then think about having children. Overall, everything begins earlier in life in Estonia.
All three had the same message for young Canadian and American Estonians: be bold and move to Estonia. Take the leap. It is a shock at first, but it’s a shock moving anywhere new.
