As we navigated the Estonian festivities on board the Ruby Princess – dodging between the bingo games, comedy shows and casino machines that cruise operators seem to think are needed to keep people amused – I decided I needed to know more.
Luckily, my go-to guru of all things psychological Dr. Jaak Rakfeldt of Southern Connecticut State University was on board. I knew he could help me figure it out. Jaak delivered an extremely well received lecture in both Estonian and English on “Cognitive/Dialectical Behaviour Therapy as a Health Promotion Strategy”. Jaak knows a thing or two about how people tick, and helps them figure out how to navigate life's challenges.
“What,” I asked Jaak during a rare quiet moment “is this all about? Why are we all here?”
Jaak smiles and nods. “It's simple,” he assures me. “It's genetic. As Charles Darwin studied, there is an anthropological and powerful urge to be members of a tribe.”
Well, this kind of a relief. Apparently the desire to affiliate ourselves with a group stems from a very old and ancient need to protect each other. And, yes, it does feel good. “It gives us a sense of ourselves,” he said. “It satisfies our need to belong.”
Ah. I get it. All the time I am living in my home town of Toronto I am participating in life and enjoying my friends but what I really want to do is hang out with Estonians. “When you have an intimate sharing of fears and hopes, then you become a member of the group,” Jaak continues. “It's deeply satisfying. It's what we're made of.”
Jaak tells me his own story. When he was growing up, he didn't have much contact with other Estonians and, indeed, didn't even speak the language. A pivotal life change occurred when he went to Canada's Metsaulikool in this mid-20s and connected with his heritage. In no time at all, he was plugged in and the Estonian in him was reawakened. It set him on his course for his life's work.
“We need to give our children the opportunities to form these relationships,” he explains. “It keeps the Estonian culture alive and it also anchors them in the world, giving them invaluable opportunities and connections. “
One afternoon, I bump into an effervescent doctor named Sirje Rago, who was born in Estonia and now practices in Zurich. She is on her first trip across the Atlantic and I try to tell her not all of life here is as cruise-shipesque as she is now experiencing. She waves her hand dismissively. She knows. This doesn't matter at all. What matters is “eestlus.”
“I was worried I wouldn't know anyone, that my English would not be good enough to be able to make my way around, “she said. “But everything has worked out so well, it's like a fairy tale being here.”
She has come with members of the European Estonian Choir, which is made up of Estonians living throughout Europe including Finland, Germany, Holland, Luxembourg, Switzerland and Czechoslovakia. Their need to sing and be together is so great that they convene 3 – 4 times a year for “singing camps” in various locations throughout Europe so they can keep their voice and culture strong.
“We have withdrawal symptoms if we can't sing!” she laughs. Later I see her on the stage during the final Estonian concert of the cruise, singing with her whole heart and soul. The theatre is packed to the rafters. The Estonian men's choir, folk dancers, musicians Curly Strings and other choir singers fill the stage with sound and emotion. People are ecstatic, waving flags and giving the entertainers thundering applause and ovations. The tribe is together, unstoppable and strong.
Sirje wants to send her oldest son, 23, to Metsaulikool here in Canada. He will be most welcome. It will be another essential link in connecting Estonians to each other around the world.
Karin Ivand
