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Fashion Defeat

Scott Diel

This story was originally published in Edasi magazine.

I often quote Karl Lagerfeld to my 13-year-old: “Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants.” So far, it’s had no effect. He goes to school looking like a homeless child. I count it as a victory if he’s brushed his teeth.

Another friend gave him a Barbour waxed cotton coat suitable for a pheasant hunt with King Charles. But what does he wear? Dirty sweatpants. Like a gopnik who squats to smoke cigarettes.

He has nice clothes but won’t wear them. His American grandmother buys him a sport coat, shirt, tie, and slacks every year. He tries them on in front of the department store mirror and never wears them again. A friend of mine gave him a leather aviator jacket like the ones Maverick and Goose wear. Another friend gave him a Barbour waxed cotton coat suitable for a pheasant hunt with King Charles. But what does he wear? Dirty sweatpants. Like a gopnik who squats to smoke cigarettes.

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