When the celebration was introduced in Estonia in the 1990s, it never really took flight as “Valentinipäev.” Perhaps that’s because “Valentin” is a Russian-sounding name, and this, in turn, is not exactly associated with friendliness or amicability in that corner of the world. The female form of the name, Valentina, for that matter, would immediately lead the thoughts of my generation away from anything romantic, straight to space and heroic deeds, to the first ever woman in space, Valentina Tereshkova. Also, not quite the association one might expect.
Thus, February 14th is known as sõbrapäev in Estonian—Friends’ Day. Instead of courting and being in love, friendship is celebrated. Friends are fun to be with and friends are the ones who come to help when one is in trouble. As an Estonian proverb goes, “Ärgu olgu sul sada rubla, vaid olgu sul sada sõpra.” (“It is better to have one hundred friends than one hundred bucks.”)
It turns out that in its original meaning, “sõber” is a word that has denoted a trade partner rather than a person with whom one is linked emotionally… Friends help each other not only to have fun, but also to keep up with their work.
Another friend-themed proverb says, “Ütle mulle, kes on su sõbrad, ja ma ütlen, kes oled sa ise.” (“Tell me who your friends are, and I can tell you who you are.”)
And then we have, “Sõber koorib sõbra naha.” A friend can trick you out of your money.
… wait, what does that mean?
The etymology of the word “sõber” may help clarify those seemingly bizarre proverbs a bit.
It turns out that in its original meaning, “sõber” is a word that has denoted a trade partner rather than a person with whom one is linked emotionally. The Estonian etymological dictionary records the appearance of the word sõber in Estonian and its closest, now near-extinct kindred languages, such as Votic, Ingrian, and Karelian. Similar words appear in Latvian and Lithuanian, so the origin is pointed out in the dictionary as “Baltic (?)”. It appears we actually have to look one step further.
In the Belarusian language, the word сябар (sjabar; сябры / sjabry in the plural form) denotes people who share common interests such as a place of origin, people who are colleagues at work, of people who engage in trade with each other. The same root is known in a number of other Slavic languages, too (albeit not in Russian). Moreover, that noun can be turned into an action-related form, cябраущина (sjabrauchchina) which means non-paid collective work done to help other community members. Sound familiar? “Talgud” in Estonian, “talka” in Latvian, толока (“toloka”) in the areas of Eastern Europe using the Cyrillic alphabet. Friends help each other not only to have fun, but also to keep up with their work.
Sõbrapäev is the celebration of like-minded communities; neighbours who do not attack, trade partners who do not impose unreasonable taxes, folks that are fun to work with. Mutual trust and sympathy are fundamental to such relationships.
Head sõbrapäeva!
On that note, I would like to extend my friendliest thanks to Anna Herran, who drew my attention to the origins of the word sõber in the first place.
